Smartassness part I

When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!

It's you and me versus the world... we attack at dawn.

Whoever said that nothing's impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Don't look at me with that tone of voice!

My smile does NOT confuse people! It merely warns them of their impending DOOM!

When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl...when you can't even do that...you find someone to carry you

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.

Hold on, I can’t hear you! Let me turn down my AWESOMENESS

That which does not kill me, had better run pretty damn fast.

Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper.

I don't bite. Wait...That's a lie.

Chaos, panic, and disorder... then peace again. My work here is done.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night”

I'm not shy, I'm just quietly plotting you imminent doom.

Adults always blame our generation, but have they ever stopped to think who raised us?