To the Internet, My Minions!

Education: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets.

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.

Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.

You are not permitted to kill someone who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that they are growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.

I hope you know that I only hate you because I love you to a point of so much passion it unhinges my soul.

I'm invisible, understand, because people choose not to see me. (isn't that the story of my life)

I'm a writer. Anything you say or do and and will be used in a story.

People often say to me, "I understand what you are talking about intellectually, but I don't really feel it, I don't realize it," and I am apt to reply, "I wonder whether you do understand it intellectually, because if you did you would also feel it." ~ Alan Watts

If you're a singer you lose your voice. A baseball player loses his arm. A writer gets more knowledge, and if he's good, the older he gets, the better he writes.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Books are always better than real, live boyfriends any day of the week. They don't talk back and they're always there for you. You can have as many of them as you want and they won't complain.

The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his.

The scarred man smirked before looking at the occupants in the bed, “Hello, law abiding citizens,” his gaze shifted to the three Uchihas, “Marginally law abiding citizens,” and then his eyes fell on Kisame, “… citizen.”

I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'

"Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad."
--Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times

Facebook part II

dad: why you crying?
girl: my boyfriend dumped me!
dad:(grabs shot gun) I'll be back..while later dad comes back,
girl:what the hell! why did you go kill him!
dad: I didn't
girl:where did you go?
dad: to get you ice cream :D
girl:why the hell did you bring the shot gun?!
dad: so I could get it for free

There are 10 types of people on facebook -
1- The smilers :)
2- The txt chaters
3- The constant status updaters
4- The likers
5- The gamers
6- The e-mailers
7- The swearers
8- The photo takers
9- The picnikers
10- And all of the abovers ;)


Mom: Oh my gosh, how is your hair so soft?!
Me: Its a secret.
Mom: Tell me. Now.
Me: I.... I....
Mom: YOU WHAT?!?!
Me: I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH, I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!!!!!!!!!!"

CAHOOOOOOOOTS!!!!!!!! CAHOOTS I SAY!" "You Do Seem To Be Saying Cahoots.

When we go home...
Our straightened hair goes up into messy buns.
Our makeup has faded or smudged so we take it off.
The fake smile vanishes into how we really feel.
Our brand new shirt changes into our favorite old sweater.
Our skinny jeans are traded for sweat pants or pajamas.
And our Uggs are taken off to reveal our fuzzy socks.
When we go home...
You wouldn't recognize us.

Being in that mood where the fb chat goes like this:
friend: Heeeyy :D x
you: hi.
friend: how aree youuuu??!! :P x
you: fine.
friend: whats up?? :) x
you: the sky.


When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. The Russians used a pencil.

Men were drunk,they stopped a taxi. The taxi driver figured that they were drunk,he just switched on the engine & switched it off & told them, 'we've arrived'. The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him. The taxi driver was stunned coz he was hoping that none of them must realized that the car didn't move an inch. So he asked,what was that for? Control ur speed next time,u almost killed us.

Facebook part I

Studies say 90% women don't like men in pink T-shirts
IRONICALLY
90% Men in pink T-shirts don't like women.

Have you ever...
*Pretended to be a fast typer by pressing random keys.
*Made a beard using the bubbles from bubble bath.
*Turned the light switch on and off rapidly.
*Had a mini-spasm when thinking they're falling off the bed.
*Touched something that had a 'DO NOT TOUCH' sign.
*Tasted rain.

At a sleepover :
Friends : "Can I have a glass of water please?"
"Yeah sure, Come with me to the kitchen"
Best friends : "Oi can i have sum water"
"Move ur ass and get it yourself, u practically live here.

Dear fb, FIRST You take away our Profile boxes, SECOND you make the writing smaller and make us go to specsavers, THIRD you change the homepage, FOURTH, you then force us to change our profile and take our boxy thing away, FIFTH, you change the chat sound, SIXTH you make the picture viewer different and make it slower to load the picture! but really all we want is a friggin' dislike button!! Faithfully, millions of users

A Chicken crossed the road and met James Bond. The chicken said : "What's your name ? "
"Bond, James Bond. What's yours ? ,, Ken, Chick Ken

There is a "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, and an "if" in life. And after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W.T.F

Friends:
"I don't have any lunch money."
"Aww, here's $5."

Best Friends:
"I don't have any lunch money."
"Good, you were getting fat anyway.

Someday I want to meet Taylor Lautner in front of a bunch of screaming Twilight fans and shout "OH MY GOD IT'S SHARKBOY!

Have you ever wondered why A,B,C,D,DD,E,F,G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs.?
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

Me: Ask me if I'm a tree.
Friend: No
Me: ask me if I'm a tree.
Friend: NO
Me: Ask me if I'm a tree.
Friend: FINE ARE U A FUCKING TREE??
Me: No

Seme/uke quiz

You are a Chibi Seme

You are the seme in disguise. Able to fit in and get along with uke and seme alike, you are able to get close to the uke on their level before exerting your dominance. This makes you at times manipulative and able to fool others about your true seme nature. Because of your harmless appearance, it takes the flamboyant Flaming Uke to match wits and really bring out your aggressive side to expose you for the seme that you are.

If Temeraire is reading, I'm very sorry, but I felt obligated to my fellow yaoi fans

Seme/uke quiz

Random stuff I stole from random people xDD

"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration!

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as the go by.

'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"

I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my handle, here is my...other handle? Shit, now I'm a sugar bowl

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?

Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING

If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening.

"Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.

There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?

Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use; but you can't help smile, when you see one fall down the stairs.

I lay at my bed last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?!

Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?

Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.

Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.

Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well I think guns help because if you just stood around saying "BANG" it wouldn't do much.

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

I respect the 10 rules of anime (as said by Uncle Yo):

1) Thou shall not judge a new anime based on its title. Look at Bleach…
2) Thou shall not judge an anime based on its opening theme.
3) Thou shall not judge based on its random misuse of English (because at least they’re trying).
4) Not by said anime’s opening theme song’s random misuse of English.
5) Thou shall not judge a new anime based on its first episode. It’s call the bait-and-switch people, be aware of it.
6) Thou shall not judge based on the fan girls.
7) Thou shall not steal new anime from the Internet….unless thou intends to share with thine anime club.
8) Thou shall accept that gravity is optional. Especially when dealing with hair.
9) Thou shall not say the manga was better unless thou hath read the manga.
10) Thou shall forgive thy parent’s for calling anime “cartoons,” and thus grouping Spike Spiegal and Light Yagami with Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny and SpongeBob Squarepants.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

When life gives you lemons, make yaoi! (then wonder when you turned into such a pervert)

If you noticed that the Kim Possible movie, So the Drama, has the initials, STD, which also stands for Sexually Transmitted Disease, and find that very creepy, copy this into your profile.

Crazy is when you start getting antisocial because you want to read instead of hanging out with your friends (eh heh...i think i passed the crazy line a long time ago...)

If your parents don't know what you write or draw, copy and paste this into your profile.

The greatest feats are accomplished by people who are too stupid to know that they're impossible

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

When life gives you lemons...make sure your parents don't read over your shoulder at the wrong moment.

I was reading fanfictions while the rest of the world was making Myspace and Facebook accounts.

"The boy cries you a sweater of tears...and you kill him." - Mr. Krabs

"You know, if I were to die right now, in some sort of fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend...well, that would just be ok." -Spongebob

"Build a man a fire, He'll be warm for a day. Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO SET YOU ON FIRE!! -Grabs flamethrower-

If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun

If you are pure evil with a heart of gold, copy and paste this to your profile.

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one

I am not a little pervert...I AM A BIG ONE

Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape.

Wouldn't it be fun to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.

Save a tree, eat a beaver.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

May all your bacon burn (Calcifer!)

"We think a flower on a cliff is beautiful
because we stop our feet at the cliff's edge,
unable to step out into the sky
like that fearless flower."

My plan was perfect. But there was one thing I over-looked. One factor I failed to calculate. He’s a dumb ass.

For the last time! If a girly man was turned into a girl, he would just be a girl. Likewise if a manly girl was turned into a man. However, manly men that get turned into girls are gay.

Six hours later, I still hadn't managed to write a full sentence for the paper due the next morning. However, I did win 7 out of 245 games of Solitaire.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on

Every time I say the word 'diet', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

It's not about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about screaming with the thunder, running with the lightning, and learning to dance in the rain.

MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men!

I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster.

-grabs yardstick- If you don't get this question, then this is going to get shoved up someone's ass. No lube either.

Well behaved women rarely make history.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers, for you are cute and go well with other men.

My hatred for you can not be expressed in words, so I have decided it to incorporate it in song and dance.

Love makes you do OOC things.

"I need a credit card!"

"In my pocket!!"

"Which pocket!?"

"My back pocket!!"

"You have, like, ten back pockets!!"