If you always stop to smell the roses sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.
There are 3 kinds of people, those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who don't know what the hell is happening.
"Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!"
I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.
There are plenty more fish in the sea, but who wants to go out with a fish?
Some people are like a slinky. They have absolutely no use; but you can't help smile, when you see one fall down the stairs.
I lay at my bed last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the fuck did my ceiling go?!
Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?
Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked "Brightness," but it doesn't work.
Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.
Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Well I think guns help because if you just stood around saying "BANG" it wouldn't do much.
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
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